James Horton's Odd Afternoon
by Lucillia
Summary: One of the reasons James Horton was so determined to kill Duncan MacLeod, and make him suffer before he died.


James Horton honestly didn't know why he was wasting his time watching Duncan MacLeod when he could be doing more important things. Actually he did know why, Joe had a doctor's appointment and a fitting for his new prosthetic legs and asked him to cover for him since he was in the area. What he didn't know is why he had agreed to do so. Every time he watched MacLeod, something weird would happen, and the dumbass wouldn't even notice it happening, which made the chronicle look something like "MacLeod sat in his kitchen eating a pastrami sandwich through the two minute rain of frogs without once looking outside his window, I however got a black eye when I was struck by a sizable bullfrog". The worst part was since nothing like that ever happened to any of the other Watchers in recent history, he usually wasn't believed. This time though, this time, even though it was forbidden, he had brought a fucking camera. Next time the others called bullshit, he was going to be pulling out a video tape.

For the first two hours, nothing much happened. MacLeod and that new kid of his who he had taken in for reasons unknown to the Watchers puttered around the store while MacLeod's lover stayed in back working on one of her atrocious sculptures. It was starting to look like the one time he bothered to bring a camera absolutely nothing weird would happen and it would be one of those ordinary days that were - as Joe often described them - "Like watching paint dry".

Of course, since it was him, it didn't stay that way. It was a testament to the number of unusual things he'd lived through that the book he was using as a prop didn't go flying when three men appeared out of nowhere. Looking inside the store, he could see that MacLeod hadn't seen anything unusual since his nose was apparently buried in his ledger. The Ryan boy apparently hadn't seen anything either since he was still dusting a rather ugly vase.

"Where are we?" The tallest of the three men - who was wearing slacks, a dress shirt, and a loosened tie - asked.

"I don't know." Said the man in the tight black jeans who had been in the process of pulling on a black tee-shirt when he had appeared. "The place looks familiar though, like I've seen it before."

"I do not see how." The messy haired man dressed in a suit with a tan trenchcoat thrown over it said. "The city of Seacouver does not exist in your universe."

"Seacouver? Really?" The brown haired man in jeans asked, sounding excited. He then raced over to the window of MacLeod's antique store and peered inside.

"I never thought I would be saying this, but dude, Gabriel is awesome!" The man who had been looking into the window of MacLeod's store said.

"Dean. It's Gabriel. I know he said that he was giving us a vacation since it looked like we seriously needed one, but...Remember Brower County, and that stupid TV World? Things are going to go to hell in a handbasket pretty quickly, and he's going to be standing there scarfing down candy bars and laughing at us the whole time." The tallest of the three men said.

"I know Sam, but we're in Highlander and that's totally awesome in and of itself." The one that he now knew was named Dean said. "We're going to have to get Gabriel a present for this."

"Why?" the one called Sam asked. "Knowing our luck Gabiel probably made us immortal, and he's going to have fun watching us get killed repeatedly without him having to go through the hassle of rewinding time, and I sure as hell don't want to learn what being killed by a golden retriever feels like. Attempting to bribe him with presents is probably going to make things that much worse."

"Sam, if Gabriel made us immortal, Duncan would have already run out of the store and confronted us." Dean replied. "Anyways, he sent us on this totally awesome vacation, and it would only be polite to bring him back a souvenir. Besides, I just thought of the perfect gift."

"Dean." Sam said trying to look both stern and pleading at the same time.

"Sam, Cas, look around for a person with a circular blue tattoo on their wrist. There should be one in the area." Dean said, ignoring his brother.

He mentally debated the advisability of moving, and decided against it. Three on one weren't good odds, especially considering the fact that at least one of them - Dean - was armed. Whoever these people were, they - or at least one of them - knew all about both the Immortals and the Watchers. He would need more information before he could decide on his next move. A minute later the man in the trenchcoat whom he had determined through the process of elimination was "Cass" was standing six inches away from him.

"I believe I have found the person you are looking for." Cass said, staring at him unblinkingly with his head tilted to one side.

"Good job Cas." Dean replied, before walking over. As he approached, his eyes widened in recognition.

"Holy shit, it's Horton!" Dean yelled.

"Who's Horton?" Sam asked.

"Come on Sam, we used to watch Highlander like every week." Dean replied.

"One, that was back in the Nineties, and two, you and dad used to watch Highlander." Sam said.

"Whatever, Horton hated Immortals, so this could actually work to our advantage." Dean said.

"What could?" Sam asked.

Dean didn't reply, instead he pulled out his wallet and grabbed a couple of bills before approaching him. He then held the oddly colored money out to him.

"I'll give you fifty bucks if you give me Kenny's coat size and current location." Dean said.

It was at that point that a short and somewhat nondescript man appeared out of nowhere holding onto a rope at the end of which was a hogtied pre-teen boy dressed in jeans and an orange parka that looked a bit warm for the current weather. It sounded as if the boy were yelling obscenities at the man, but it was hard to tell because the parka's hood was pulled up and tightened in a way that made it cover his mouth and muffle everything he said.

"Already ahead of you there Deano." the man said as he took a bite out of the candy bar that had been clutched in his other hand. "As they say, great minds think alike."

It was at that point that MacLeod finally decided to sit up and take notice. The man got up from the ledger he'd been buried in for the last hour, and vanished presumably to grab his sword and check on his girlfriend before stalking out of either a side or back door. He reappeared in front of the shop about two minutes later after slinking over from the side alley.

"My name is...What are you doing to that kid?" MacLeod said when he reached the spot where he had sensed the immortal that was in the area was located.

"That's an odd name." "Gabriel" replied, not paying much attention to MacLeod, or the fact that he had a sword as he made a sledgehammer appear out of nowhere. "Sam, Dean, you know your lines."

The anticipatory grin on Dean's face when he realized what Gabriel was about to do to that little psycho Kenny was downright diabolical.

The human-shaped being that was called Gabriel said "Hold still you little runt." as he raised the sledgehammer over Kenny's head. Several muffled pleas of mercy came from the "little boy", all of which went unheeded by the man-shaped being with the sledgehammer who brought it down in a blow to the boy's head which was likely to cause permanent brain damage even after the brat healed, since his head hadn't been taken off with that strike.

"Oh my god! He killed Kenny!" Dean exclaimed before he started laughing.

"You bastard!" Sam said in a rather bored tone of voice.

James grinned down at the camera that was recording the whole scene. There were a number of people who would have wanted to witness that, Immortal and Watcher alike. If he played his cards right, he could sell copies of the tape for boatloads of money, enough money to make sure his family was financially secure if something should ever happen to him.

MacLeod, who was trying to pretend to be a good man despite the fact that he - like all of his kind - was a monster looked horrified at the gruesome scene. Before he could say or do anything with the sword that was in his hand though, a couple more strangers appeared, a couple of strangers who would be familiar to just about anyone who was familiar with Judeo-Christian religious philosophies, and millions of people who weren't. One of the strangers was a rather nervous looking shining and winged man in an atrocious looking sweater and tartan trousers who looked as if the words "...as a three-dollar bill" belonged in any description of him. The other was an exceedingly effeminate looking being that might have been male since it didn't have any breasts who had curly blond hair that extended just past his? shoulder blades.

"What are you doing here?" the effeminate being asked in a melodic voice that nevertheless carried a tone of authority.

"Eh, we needed a vacation from the Apocalypse back home." Gabriel replied casually. The rest of the men who had invaded this universe with him seemed equally unfazed by the strangers' presence.

"Take it elsewhere." the effeminate being said curtly, looking at Gabriel with an expression which bordered on disgust.

"So, who's this douchebag?" Dean asked as he sized up the effeminate being who'd ordered him and his companions to leave.

"Guys, meet the local Gabriel." Gabriel said with a mischievous smirk.

Dean snickered and started humming a familiar song. The new Gabriel noticed, and became somewhat irritated at the man's irreverence. An irreverence that he didn't share. He himself had barely held back from kneeling before the angel as MacLeod was, that or fainting at the fact that he'd just received confirmation of the fact that God existed. He had a feeling that it was probably shock that was rooting him to the spot at the moment, and that as soon as he worked his way through it, he would be doing one of the above.

"Dean, stop humming Dude Looks Like A Lady, it's obviously pissing him off." Sam said to his brother as the other Gabriel sat in the background snickering, not noticing that Kenny was alive again and making a break for it.

"I could send you to the deepest, darkest pits of Hell where you will suffer unimaginable torments." the rather feminine looking angel said as he got in Dean's face when he didn't quit humming the Aerosmith song.

"Yeah, whatever Gabriella. Been there, done that, even got an award for inventing a new method of torture." Dean replied casually.

"You invented a new torment?" the angel asked incredulously.

"Yeah, two words, Yodeling Bagpipes." Dean replied.

The Highlander, or rather one of the two Highlanders, considering the fact that his "relative" Connor had been given an identical moniker, winced at this from where he was kneeling, completely ignored by both angels, apparently able to picture exactly what Dean was describing.

Without warning, the man called Cass which he was beginning to suspect wasn't human either walked up to Dean and socked him in the face.

"What was that for Cas?" Dean asked, looking hurt.

"That noise...that infernal noise was stuck in my head for three weeks." Castiel replied.

"Sorry Cas, I didn't mean to get you with it." Dean said contritely.

"I...I forgive you Dean." Cas said in a tone that seemed to scream that he was forgiving him because it was his job, not because he actually forgave him.

Behind Cass and Dean, an argument was rising between Sam and the two Gabriels. Apparently, the Gabriel that was native to this universe had attempted to Smite Dean. The argument rapidly devolved into a fight in which several people and things were transformed into a number of other things. As he was beginning to wonder if it would be better to record this obviously historical event or get the heck out of there before he was turned into an ostrich like MacLeod, someone else appeared on the scene. Something about the man's smile was both comforting and unsettling at the same time. There was both sadness and joy in the man's eyes as well as every other emotion that one could think to name including and especially Love. The two angels, Gabriel, and Cass seemed awestruck by the man's very presence.

"Be a good boy and go home dear." the smiling man said to the Gabriel who had wandered into their universe for what seemed to be the sole purpose of dressing Kenny in an orange parka and killing him for some strange reason. "You might get a nice surprise if you do. Oh, and Castiel, tell Chuck I said Hi."

"Yes Father." the less feminine looking Gabriel said thickly as if he were holding back tears.

An instant later, Gabriel, Sam, Dean and Cass whose real name was apparently Castiel were gone. Two seconds after that, the effeminate Gabriel, the nervous looking gay angel, and the smiling man all vanished.

It took him a full minute after the group had vanished to process the fact that he'd just seen God.

MacLeod got up off of his knees and started unsteadily making his way back into his shop shaking his head and muttering in Gaelic the entire time. From what little he could understand of what the man was saying, he was obviously going into denial. How the creature could go into denial after seeing God himself, he didn't know.

&!&!&!&!&

"So, how did it go?" Joe asked.

For some strange reason, his brother-in-law hated watching MacLeod, which made the favor he owed him for doing so all the greater.

"Oh, the usual. MacLeod hung around the shop doing fuck and all until some tourists from another universe showed up and a couple of angels dropped by to see what was going on, and God dropped in to stop the fight between the two Gabriels and send everyone home." James replied as he hooked a video camera to the t.v. and started reviewing the recording on it.

As Joe was dialing the number for the regional Head of Watchers in order to request some vacation time for his obviously stressed-out brother-in-law, James started swearing profusely.

"What's wrong?" Joe asked.

Rather than answer him, James continued to swear.

The t.v. screen in front of his sister's husband was displaying static.


End file.
